Nation’s B-List Celebrities Announce Plans to Randomly Appear in Ad for Online Casino App

LOS ANGELES — B-list celebrities from every facet of the entertainment industry announced their plan to randomly appear in some casino gambling app you’ve never even heard of before, sources who always bet on black confirmed.

“We’re all super excited to help promote the seemingly unending stream of gambling apps that have hit the market in the last few years. It’s a great way for Americans to merge their addiction to gambling with their addiction to staring at their phones,” said “Suits” star Patrick J. Adams. “So be on the lookout for me, Kris Jenner, Paris Hilton, Joel McHale, and every cast member of ‘The Real Housewives’ to randomly appear on your TV or in the middle of a YouTube video shilling for some digital nightmare gambling thing that looks like it was cranked out by Russian A.I. real soon!”

Some consumers say they are confused by the sudden onslaught of celebrities appearing in the ads which even seem to include some notable A-list celebrities.

“I don’t understand what’s happening. I just saw Jennifer Lopez in an ad for some gambling app called Coin Master. And Jamie Foxx did one for MGM,” said a confused Allison Cranford from her couch. “I know a lot of mid-tier famous people do these ads, but J-Lo? Jamie Foxx? I even saw one with Kevin Hart. Do these big celebrities really need to be doing these ads? I assumed they would be concerned about their reputation. I remember when celebrities had to go to Japan to do commercials because they were too embarrassed to have them in the U.S. market. Guess those days are gone.”

Hollywood talent agent Kyle Schulster says the ads have given his clients a new revenue source in an increasingly competitive industry.

“With declining interest in movies and television, many of the actors we work with are looking for new ways to find work and stay relevant. Quite a few have done appearances on Cameo or ads for some kind of cryptocurrency, which even by Hollywood standards is pretty sleazy,” said Schulster. “I would say in about five years most celebrities won’t be acting in anything at all and will just be exclusively doing ads for casino apps and nothing else.”

At press time, the B-list celebrities also announced their plans to appear in ads for home internet service, insurance companies, car rentals, and pharmaceutical drugs for diseases you’ve never heard of.